I have now heard from over five local women who were attending Christian churches tell me that they stopped attending this or that church because of a particular female church member or two they felt slighted by who confronted them somehow and they felt injured and went home sobbing never returning to the church, and some never returning to any church.
One Bible verse that outlines the process of resolving conflict with a fellow believer is Matthew 18:15-17. It instructs Christians to first address the issue privately with the individual, then, if unresolved, to involve one or two others, and finally, if necessary to bring it to the church. If they don’t listen to the church, treat them as you would a non-believer. Don’t associate with them, but surely forgive them and walk away.
A mature Christian or any adult, for that matter, has to know what a friend is and what a friend is not. Oftentimes, Christians, myself included, are “irked” by the odd behaviors of others they go to church with. The behavior irritates your Christian senses, they should know better than what they are doing, you would think, and you just have to tell the person how creepy they come off.
For example, some people have absolutely “no personality,” you come to find out. Or, others appear to be scared of their own shadow. They are not capable of eye contact or are absolutely not approachable. Maybe they’ve never had opportunities meeting a lot of different people, and feel intimidated by those who have, and with those of us who are comfortable speaking to anyone.
I’ve had this experience a few times throughout my lifetime and I didn’t mince words when protecting myself, my heart, and my friends.
For example, this one broad who I was just getting to know was always talking about sexual matters with me and I was feeling like, “What is she thinking ? I do not want to know about your sex life, lady. She was thinking she is sexy, or what ? She’s was not at all anything but creepy, to me. ” I told her so, and boy, she could not take criticism at all and other women commented about her behavior in a Christian way, and, of course I didn’t want to offend her; until I had to. Turns out, the more I got to know her, I realized she is a narcissist. I’ve had it with narcissists coming from two directions at once. Another story, but it is very important to know the characteristics of people with narcissistic behavior disorder. They cannot improve or change their behaviors. For starters, they have to be the center of attention and they wear a mask which is the opposite of who they really are. They are controlling, have no empathy and cause chaos no matter what.
Instead of these Christian women standing up for themselves about whatever the conflict was, address and resolve the problem, and use God’s Biblical instruction, they left the church, and the issue was left unresolved and they’re still talking about it, years later. Why ? Because they did not follow the direction of the Lord to protect themselves, or their heart.
I know of one instance where I am sure the woman entirely misread the intent of another fellow female Christian. Is she too sensitive or just stupid ? Remember, there are two kinds of Christians; spiritual Christians and carnal Christians. Carnal Christians are usually the ones to cause some kind of damage, whatever the matter is. See Youtube: Spiritual and carnal Christians; the difference.
Some people cannot take correction. Their egos are elevated and they’re incapable of humility or taking discipline when they have errored. They will immediately gaslight you and turn their error into you causing it, or something to that effect.
What is wisdom ? Wisdom is learning from our mistakes, maturing and growing with God in knowledge, understanding and discernment. It is not unladylike to stepup and communicate with another who we feel offended by, or is acting unChristlike or mean. “Turning the other cheek,” is not relevant in conflict with another that causes you to stop serving the Lord. (Matthew 5:39) In these instances over sensitivity is actually stupidity. The other person might not even know they’ve offended you, and would be apologetic if addressed. Proverbs 12:1 states, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.” (also see: Romans 1:22, Proverbs 14:7-9; 16-18, 2 Timothy 3:7, Jeremiah 4:22, 2 Timothy 2:23-24)
See all the scriptures relative to wisdom in communication with others throughout scripture and come to an accurate knowledge of God through Bible study. (John 17: 3)
Always Christian with love at Anne Fisher Foundation
WOMEN PROTECTING WOMEN AND CHILDREN. AMEN